Feeling Positive

As many of you know I run Unislim Classes in Tallaght and Firhouse area.  In today’s class I did a talk about how to remain motivated, and it prompted me to write this post as it made me think of all of you guys as just like staying motivated in a weight loss journey its important to stay motivated while battling your Breast Cancer.  I remember when I was in treatment I tried as much as possible to keep myself motivated and focused on the Breast Cancer Finish Line.   An overwhelming determination took hold of me and I was going to everything in my power to become cancer free.

I broke my fight into small hurdles – it made it easier for me to process – so rather than saying I want to be my old cancer free self.  I would look at Chemo and take each session as it came to me.  I did all the right stuff , ate well, drank gallons of water, I gave up sugar, I surrounded myself with people I refer to as RADIATORS ( a good friend once said there are 2 types of people in this world radiators and drains – radiators fill you up warm your heart and drains well I think that’s self-explanatory)   I went for coffee, watched funny movies, and visualised my cancer free future.  After 16 weeks the first hurdle was complete.  I’d like to say I bounced out of my last chemo session but I didn’t I was worn out but I rested and I regrouped.  I had another hurdle to jump and another step to take in reclaiming my health.  When I look back now I think sheer determination and vanity got me through chemo.   I looked at cancer like a person who was trying to get the better of me and trying to take stuff off me that I didn’t want to give, so okay it took my peace of mind which was a big one, it frightened me, it took my independence, it took away my belief that I was invincible , they were things I couldn’t control but what it didn’t take was my fight, it couldn’t take away my motivation to be there to raise my son, it couldn’t stop me going to the gym it may have slowed me up but I still got there.  Thanks to wigs and make up it couldn’t make me look sick to the outside world , so in the fight me and cancer were head to head.  It tried to take stuff and like what all of you girls do I dug my heels in and kicked back.  I wouldn’t let it make me sad, nights out still happened, school runs still happened, even a bit of dating happened ….. life went on.

Next was my surgery.  I was tired after finishing chemo, I didn’t expect to be so tired but I knew I had 2 months between finishing chemo and surgery happening so I used that time to rebuild myself.  My hair didn’t grow back overnight as I had naively expected it to lol, my eyebrows and lashes fell out when my chemo ended, I wanted to be physically strong going for my surgery so I headed back to the gym in advance of surgery.  I felt if I was feeling strong going into surgery I would smash it.  It made me focus on being strong and jumping the surgery hurdle rather than actually focus on the surgery itself.  I had my surgery and it knocked me for six but after 10 days in hospital I was released on a Sunday and what was the first thing I did.  Most people would probably go home, have a cuppa and chill, not me AKA the vainest person EVER!! I went straight to the beautician and got my eyebrows shaped as they decided to grow back during the 10 days I was in hospital.  I swear my dad was priceless he thought I was mental but fair play he drove me to the beautician.

Next was radiation – the finish line was so close I didn’t really have to push myself in this part of the fight, I just kept looking at my son and thinking about the good times me and him had ahead.  I’m really all he has and aside from everything else I plan on being around to guide him on his journey in life.  Because I was feeling much more healthy and less tired I was bouncing through radiation however this was a time where I had to buck myself up motivation and mood wise.  The sheer reality of everything hit and I guess I started getting caught up in the what if’s it was at that point I had to get my head straight and know that after coming this far I couldn’t let myself become consumed by fear or else what was the point of the past almost year of fighting and being positive.  The finish line was fast approaching and I needed to cross it with purpose not to focus on why this happened but to focus on the future.

Since then I have realised in some ways the finish line keeps creeping away each mammogram is a hurdle each all clear is a blessing and every day is to be lived to the fullest.    I’m not saying you have to go around being happy and upbeat every day but I am saying be good to yourself.  Do stuff you like doing.  Get the most out of life.  Buy the shoes.  Drink the Prosecco.  Fill yourself with love accept nothing less than you deserve, accept yourself, then you can be a radiator.  Focus on what you want to do when you get treatment out-of-the-way, is there somewhere you would like to go on holiday, is there something you would really like to do its amazing how looking forward to a goal or treat can help keep you motivated.  I have spoken to so many of you and I never cease to be amazed by how us humans shine during the hard times.  Keep going girls xxxxx




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