Oh yes I did it again girls, I got a dose of THE FEAR !!! And not the fear you get after a night out but the fear that unfortunately all of us tend to get an attack of every now and again. Try as I may I can’t shake it, I manage it, but I cannot get rid of it all together, anyways here’s what happened.
Last Friday I left the gym I had done a hit class and was feeling GOOD. I was on my way to meet Stephen to practice our roller skating in advance of the Great Pink Run, now that’s another days story all together. On my way down in the car I pushed my sunglasses on my face BOOOOOOM it happened my hand felt kind of strained. I thought to myself hmmm now that’s strange I didn’t hurt it in the gym or anything. So I did the whole squeeze my fist drama to see if it was sore etc. Within 5 minutes I had gone from being an ordinary JOE to a fully qualified Medical Professional as I had given myself a diagnosis and let me tell you it wasn’t a good one.
Saturday arrived my arm was still sore my head was racing , is it swollen, is it sore, does it feel dead – panic had set in and I didn’t even know how it felt. I went to the gym I was doing the put the fear to the back of my mind thing you know what I’m talking about.
Sunday arrived my arm was defo sore, even the fist squeezing proved painful – now let me put this into perspective I couldn’t say it was painful enough to take pain relief it was just more like there was a weakness in my arm – LYMPHODEMIA was one scenario running around my head. Tom said it was because I had been working myself to hard in the Gym , big mistake for poor Tom.
Monday arrived and I said I would go to the doc just to see if he thought I had strained it or something. 2 hours I sat in that doctors surgery 2 hours in fact I overhead a women remark how she visited the doctor quite a lot in fact she said jokingly that she almost lived there grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr why oh why would you enjoy going to the Doctor. I went into my GP and showed him my arm which he reckoned I had strained and that was why it was stiff and sore. I explained to him that for the past month I have felt a bit sore in my bones (this is where my imagination was running wild I can’t even type what I had myself convinced however I’m sure many of you can figure that one out) . I also mentioned that I had stopped taking my Seven Seas Joint Care supplement about 2 months ago – oh it ran out and I took it for granted how well I felt and probably didn’t give it the credit it deserved. My doctor said to start taking it again. He gave me a full check over and assured me that I was healthy and not to be worrying and how it was PERFECTLY NORMAL to feel anxious about my health given the fact I had been ill. I don’t feel guilty or silly for visiting the Doctor I would do it all again my arm was actually sore and weak, I don’t take my good health for granted so even if I am in any way in doubt I want to be ahead of the game and on it immediately. I am lucky to have a very good GP who knows me well and understands how I sometimes feel. I find its pain that gets me frightened if I have a cold or feel pukey I don’t rush to the Doctor however if I have pain I freak out.
So after 4 days of fear boiling like a kettle, imagination running wild, mood being off there it was I was okay, I just needed to go back on my supplement and I was just having a good big dose of THE FEAR. If I ever find out how to get rid of it I promise I will tell you girls but for now, I gotta just accept it as part and parcel of being blessed with good health. I guess I realise a cancer diagnosis is such a big reality check and lesson giver. It really does make you see everything can change in an instant. But that can be for the good also. So girls if you are having a wobbly time try not to let it totally consume you it will pass and sure we all go through it. I’ll probably be putting up a similar post in a few weeks’ time again, but for now all I can say is TODAY is a good DAY.