Going through treatment is one of the most traumatic challenging times that will ever happen in a person’s life. The shock of diagnosis, the constant tests, waiting for results, endless medications. It doesn’t matter how brave or strong a person is they will need support.
Through Breast Friends I speak with so many people affected by Breast Cancer. For the most part they are lucky to have wonderful families and friends to help support them. There is however a number of girls who are not so lucky. I guess one of the reasons why I set up the private Breast Friends Chat Room was to grow a community of people who could become friends, vent when they need to or just reach out for some love and support when it’s needed. I really don’t think there is enough advice or support out there.
From my own personal experience and from listening to girls who are going through the most difficult time of their lives it’s the support and help they receive that make’s the experience easier. So imagine being one of the people, who don’t get support, its one hell of a frightening journey to travel alone.
My advice to relatives, if your sister, daughter, cousin is going through treatment and has children – offer to help with the kids. Please be mindful that going through treatment is upsetting and tiring. Anyone who has had chemo will know how difficult it is at times to look after yourself never mind your children. But just because someone is sick life goes on and kids still need to go to school, hobbies etc. So if you have nieces or nephews whose mammy isn’t well give a dig out, take the kids for a couple hours, even offer to do the school run, it may be inconvenient for you for a couple of hours but it will help the patient relax while knowing the children are being looked after. It will also distract the children from what is a really traumatic time for them. A little help goes a long way. If it wasn’t for my mam and dad I would have been lost they minded Rhys for me so much when I was going through treatment. It allowed me time to build myself up and removed so much stress from me. There was times when it just wouldn’t have been safe to have Rhys with me as I was getting light headed and would not have been safe to drive him if there was an emergency. I just don’t understand how in a family set up family members can step back and not help during this awful phase. Because you are family it is time to step up and help, I don’t think that’s being demanding I think it’s the way it should be.
I directed the helping out with children towards family members as most of us are more comfortable knowing our kids are with family and we would feel we were burdening friends but then some friends are like family, so I may be wrong just directing this at family members.
Other ways to help
Ask them if they want company or lifts to hospital visits or treatments – my cousin came to all of my treatments with me. I am genuinely eternally grateful for the way he supported me. Imagine having to worry about how you would get to your treatment as if going through Breast Cancer isn’t bad enough additional worries make it worse
Preparing a few meals is a great help
See if they want a few bits picked up in the shops
See if they need anything done – my nephew painted a fence for me i thought it was the loveliest gesture
Throw a wash in the machine
Not falling out, the person who is going through Breast Cancer may be moody and difficult to be around but try not to fall out they won’t want that they are just scared. Also I am not saying this is a green card to disrespect people just because you are ill it doesn’t give you the right to treat people badly either and I wouldn’t expect anyone to take crap all of the time either.
Text, call, if they answer that’s great if they don’t please know they will look at their phone and be grateful you thought of them. They may just be too tired for conversations.
Visit them in hospital – make sure that they are not left in hospital without any visitors. This was a time that I found really difficult; when people visited it meant so much to me. If you have a friend or family member in hospital take an hour out of your day drop by and see how they are it will make a difference. Saying you are tired or busy just isn’t cool, I had that happen to me and I was really hurt.
Just be there. Sometimes in life loved ones need us just a little more than normal, I don’t think it is too much to ask for people to spare a thought and go that extra mile it will really make a difference.
